The More You Do The Better You Feel Read online

  What’s being said about The More You Do The Better You Feel:

  It’s hard to judge a brilliant book, but I shall say: “stimulating, suggestive, and impressionistic.” There is a saying: “Take it from someone who lived the experience, better than from someone who studied the experience.”

  —Elsayed Hussein, MD

  David Parker tells his own story of overcoming debilitating depression and procrastination. Drawing on his own experiences, he offers powerful strategies for overcoming procrastination in simple, direct language, amply illustrated with stories and reinforced by techniques that you can easily practice on your own. It is written in an easy-to-use, step-by-step format and explains clearly and persuasively how and why his methods work. He developed The J.O.T. Method™ as a logical and task based response to his own depression and habitual procrastination. As a therapist with extensive experience working with students (amongst whom procrastination is extremely common) and depressed individuals, I would certainly recommend Mr. Parker’s method to my clients.

  —Alanna Cheyney, LCSW

  David Parker has written a wonderful book that utilizes both cognitive and behavioral techniques for people who are struggling with procrastination and disorganization in their lives. Drawing on his own experience and struggles, Mr. Parker has outlined a method of attacking a pattern of procrastination and avoidance which causes suffering in the lives of many people. His “J.O.T. Method™” provides the reader with a remarkably effective tool for breaking down overwhelming chores into manageable parts, which gives sufferers the ability to take control of their lives. Mr. Parker’s book is filled with illustrated examples on how to change this life pattern in a way that motivates the reader to engage with his anti-procrastination technique.

  —Thomas Daly, LCSW

  I would recommend this book to anyone who tends to put things off and never seems to find time to achieve their goals. The book provides a simple yet effective way of organizing chores into doable activities. The tables in the book give the reader a clear illustration of how to put the techniques described into everyday practice. The J.O.T. Method™ provides positive feedback from day one and if used properly, will end your days of chronic procrastination.

  —Martin Shack, LCSW

  It’s easily read as David talks to us, sharing his story without pretence. I am looking forward to sharing it with others.

  —Helayne Neri-Cherin, BSN, RN, Complementary Medicine

  Procrastination is an all too common, self-sabotaging behavior pattern, which affects every aspect of a procrastinator’s life. David Parker’s personal revelation of his own profound procrastination and ultimate renewal sheds valuable light on this subject, from a lay perspective so many procrastinators know all too well. He shares his many insights and personal hurdles on this subject, and provides a simple, yet effective behavioral technique in better management of this self-destructive behavior pattern. So don’t procrastinate any longer—start reading!

  —Ronald Yamamoto, Psychotherapist

  Book design by Pete Masterson, Æonix Publishing Group, www.aeonix.com.

  Main text set in Adobe Minion Pro, heads and tables set in Myriad.

  Cover design by VMC Art & Design, LLC., www.VMC-ArtDesign.com

  Author photo courtesy of Isidro Torres.

  Copyright © 2015 by David Parker. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic mechanical, photocopied, recorded, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  This book contains health information of a general nature obtained from scientific and medical sources believed to be accurate. However, this book is not meant to substitute for, and should not be used in place of, the health services available to you from your own licensed physician, psychiatrist, psychologist or other health care provider. This book should not be used to diagnose, care or treat any medical, psychiatric, psychological or behavioral condition. If you believe you are suffering from some sort of illness, you are strongly advised to consult your own physician or other health care provider.

  The J.O.T. Method™ is a trade mark that belongs to David Parker.

  Published: March 4th, 2015—“March Forth Against Procrastination!”

  Publisher’s Cataloging-in-Publication

  Parker, David B.

  The More you do the better you feel : how to overcome procrastination and live a happier life / David Parker.

  p. cm.

  Includes index.

  eISBN 978-1-935880-02-8

  1. Procrastination –Psychological aspects. 2. Depression, Mental. 3. Time management. 4. Self-realization. 5. Work –Psychological aspects. 6. Students –Time management. I. Title.

  BF637.P76 M67 2015

  155.2/32—dc23 2014931322

  Published by:

  Darwin Bay Publishing

  Brooklyn, New York

  www.DarwinBayPublishing.com

  Printed in the United States of America

  Acknowledgments

  I WANT TO THANK MY editorial assistants Rachel Mann; Erica Liebman; and Anthony Battle; with a special note of thanks to George Gillson for early editorial advice and support. Extra special thanks to Miya Chu; John Calabro; Felicia Mattera; and Gina Tuzzo-Argenziano for their loving encouragement when this book was only a dream; and most especially to James Langton for setting a trail ahead for me to follow. Thanks also to Pete Masterson for interior design; to Victoria Colotta for cover design; to Isidro Torres for the rear cover photograph; to J. Naomi Linzer Indexing Services; and to Adrienne Bashista for providing CIP data.

  I want to thank Lloyd Gelwan, Esq. for his many years of friendship; Sam Nole, CPA; Edgar David Grana for acting as my creative mentor; therapist extraordinaire Richard Clayton; Peter Victor, MS, MA, CH; and The Venerable Thupten Phuntsok. Extra special thanks to my radio friends Geoff Fors and Jerry Abrams for keeping me company while this book was being written.

  Thanks also to: Elsayed Hussein, MD; Kenneth Reddan, PhD, LCSW; Alanna Cheyney, LCSW; Thomas Daly, LCSW; Kendall Pron, LCSW; Martin Shack, LCSW; Helayne Neri-Cherin, BSN, RN, Complementary Medicine; Ronald Yamamoto, Psychotherapist; Hamid Moussavian, MD; and Jacob Pine, LMSW.

  A word of special appreciation to Ruby Jackman, Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor, New York State Office of Vocational and Educational Services for Individuals with Disabilities; and to George Telmany and Edward Piszko, Certified Senior Business Advisors, New York State Small Business Development Center.

  A word of special thanks to Joe Baldizzone for sharing his thoughts on the creative process; to Lilly Kirschner for sharing her “Now—go accomplish!” philosophy; to Steven Kirschner his positive attitude; to Edward Harris for his warmth and support; and to Pamela Dixon for her feedback. Thanks also to Naomi Levinson for her goal-oriented approach to life; and to James and Crystal Kanellis for their support. My thanks to Rita Bell; Guy DeMarco; Louis Friel; Joe Giunti; Linda Gnat-Mullin; Robert King; Sandie Leach; Stephanie McElroy; Kim Murphy; Bert Pittari; Martin Norregaard; Elina Shnayderman; and Kevin Sweeney. An extra-special thank you to Brian Tracy and Sandi Nagy. Loving thanks to my sister, Lynne Dempsey.

  Thanks to the following individuals for their help: Valentina Janek, Lana Smart, Evelin Gomez, and Nia Garcia at Just One Break, Inc. (JOB); Fredda Broza of the Federation of Employment Guidance Services (FEGS); Alice Pang, Angel Colon and the faculty and students of Stuyvesant High School, Manhattan; Warren McDowell and the faculty and students of The High School for Environmental Studies, Manhattan; and the faculty and students of Global Enterprise Academy High School, The Bronx. Thanks also to Jonathan Applefield; Joseph Castelli; Tarah Montalbano; Mary LaM
anna; Herb Klein; Joseph D. Korman; Ellen M. Kozak, Esq.; Yujian “Eugene” Liu; Melissa McLaney; David Tanner; and Gail Wein.

  A note of thanks also to my worldwide circle of Internet pals: Sally Benay; Paul M. Cicchetti; Emily Elkins; Jade de Guzman; Tim Gerard; Christine Lennis; Deborah Lockhart; Victoria Messler; Ian McInally; Mariana Muniz-Fraticelli; Toyia Phillips; Shauna Catherine Riley; Betty Samuels; Samantha Sanders; Michael Solomon; Juliana Tabak; Juanita Zealey; Allison; Axel; BizzSavvy; Donna; Jane; Ken; Liz; Mary; Sarah; and Yanti; and several anonymous friends.

  Special thanks to The Portobello Road Help Centre (www.HelpCounselling.com) in London, and the Central London Branch of The Samaritans (www.Samaritans.org).

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to Dan Buckley.

  At a time in my life when I was short on belief in myself, Dan gave me what I needed most—a strong dose of faith in my own abilities, which gave me the courage to keep moving forward.

  Thanks, Dan!

  Contents

  Introduction

  Section One – Understanding Procrastination

  Chapter One: A Life in Such Perfect Conflict

  Chapter Two: “How Did I End Up This Way?”

  Chapter Three: A New Species Is Discovered—The Human Ostrich

  Chapter Four: The Characteristics, Behaviors, and Traits of the Human Ostrich

  Chapter Five: Procrastination and Depression

  Section Two – Into Action

  Chapter Six: The Burden of Avoidance

  Chapter Seven: Floating Away From Reality

  Chapter Eight: Developing the Willingness to Change

  Chapter Nine: The Golden Rules of Overcoming Habitual Procrastination

  Chapter Ten: Training Yourself to Focus on Just One Task

  Chapter Eleven: Continuing Your Forward Motion

  Chapter Twelve: Dealing with Setbacks

  Chapter Thirteen: Advanced Techniques for Overcoming Procrastination

  Chapter Fourteen: The Procrastinator’s Relationships with Significant Others

  Chapter Fifteen: Helping the Procrastinating Student

  Chapter Sixteen: Review

  Index

  Introduction

  WHILE WORKING AT MY DAY job as an administrative assistant in midtown Manhattan, co-workers passing my desk would sometimes give me a wink and a nod and ask, “So, how’s that book on overcoming procrastination coming along? I’ll bet you just can’t find the time to get around to it!” You wouldn’t believe some of the good-natured ribbing I endured.

  However, if my co-workers had only known the extent that I had changed, I bet that instead of having winks in their eyes, they’d have had winces on their faces. Perhaps, because of my personal transformation from a dyed-in-the-wool habitual procrastinator, into the kind of person whom I like to refer to as a “do”-er. Having been such a habitual procrastinator, the completion of this book is a remarkable achievement because it wasn’t so long ago that I had stopped taking care of many of my day-to-day responsibilities; something you’ll read much more about in the coming chapters.

  In fact, I had been a habitual procrastinator for so long that even today, years after having studied business administration in college, I can still recall when I first learned I needed to spend several semester-hours in their “Accounting Workshop.” Funny as it may sound, I put off entering that room until the day I overheard a fellow student refer to it as “Accounting Lab”—somehow, that name change made all the difference for me. I suppose there was something that I truly disliked in that most-dreaded of all the four-letter words, “w-o-r-k.”

  So profound was my change, I soon wanted to discover if other procrastinators’ ways of thinking and behaviors were similar to my own, and it didn’t take me long to discover that many did. One early observation I made was how habitual procrastinators are generally impatient—due to their desire for instant results. Another observation was how their minds reconstruct the tasks they don’t want to deal with, into negative scenarios—each accompanied by logical explanations and predictions for why those tasks couldn’t possibly be accomplished. It’s for these reasons that I have endeavored to keep this book as brief as possible by emphasizing clarity, brevity, and most importantly, solutions.

  If you’ve read other self-help books, you may find this one to be a bit different than others. For one thing, this book doesn’t concern itself with quick fixes. You won’t find any magic wand solutions within its pages, and you also won’t find a plethora of pop quizzes.

  Some books that purport to deal with procrastination offer only half-hearted efforts. Instead of providing a comprehensive understanding of procrastination and how to overcome it, they:

  Treat habitual procrastination as though it were merely an annoying nuisance that can be defeated by employing cheerleader-like rallying cries such as, “I want you to put your foot down—for once—and for all! Ready! Go for it!” If only it were that easy.

  Encourage their readers to construct “to-do” lists without regard as to how they should deal with those tasks.

  Attempt to shame, beg, cajole, or belittle the reader into taking action.

  Still other books would have you believe that the secret to overcoming procrastination is by learning to delegate one’s tasks. That might do if your boss provided you with a personal assistant or if you hired a housekeeper, but it wouldn’t teach you anything about overcoming procrastination because it only makes someone else responsible for your mess.

  Your goal here is to overcome procrastination by learning how to deal with the things you’ve put off and, in doing so—to regain your self-esteem, which is a natural by-product of personal responsibility.

  This book is divided into two sections:

  Section One explores why we procrastinate, how procrastination can develop into a habit, and how it can diminish your self-esteem by leading you into feelings of depression, anxiety, helplessness, and hopelessness.

  Section Two deals with the how-to’s of overcoming procrastination. While many procrastinators are convinced that they can think their way into feeling better, non-procrastinators know that we can only act our way into feeling good—and that over-analysis leads to paralysis. Section Two looks at changing old behaviors by considering new methods of “do”-ing. You’ll discover that completing small tasks is the way forward. That no matter how insignificant some tasks may seem, with each and every accomplishment you’ll not only be handling the things that you weren’t able to in the past, you’ll also be restoring your self-esteem.

  While you could start out by reading Section Two, I believe you would inadvertently miss out on important background material concerning procrastination, which is why I recommend that you start reading from Section One.

  All that changing from a procrastinator into a “do”-er takes is the willingness on your part to challenge your beliefs. As you gradually incorporate changes into your life, new feelings of self-esteem and personal pride will replace old feelings of depression and gloom which came about as a result of not taking care of your needs.

  Even if you’ve grown concerned that you may have lost the ability to act on your own behalf, I can assure you that you can regain a great deal more control over your life than you might otherwise believe. This has been my own experience.

  It is my sincere and heartfelt hope that this book helps you to start undertaking the tasks you’ve been putting off. In the end, not only will you become a “do”-er, you’ll also discover that taking care of yourself generates positive feelings which you’ll come to relish.

  Remember Always:

  The More You Do The Better You Feel

  SECTION ONE

  Understanding Procrastination

  Chapter One

  A Life in Such Perfect Conflict

  PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. WHATEVER CULTURE we may hail from and no matter our differences, there are extra-special times when many of us share the same traditions. Two of these traditions arrive hand in hand every New Yea
rs’ Eve, and nearly all of us can relate to them both.

  The first begins just a few hours before midnight, as thousands of revelers gather in public squares to ring in the New Year. The second tradition follows close behind, as an army of news reporters brandish microphones and stroll the sidelines to ask celebrants the time-honored question: “Do you have any New Year’s resolutions you’d like to share with our audience?”

  Alcohol-fueled responses containing wish lists of hopes, dreams, and aspirations follow. Who among us hasn’t heard:

  “I want to make more money!”

  “I’m going to lose 25 pounds!”

  However, we almost never hear someone say:

  “I’ve been dissatisfied with the fruits of my labor, so I’m going back to school to learn some new skills.”

  “Lately, I’ve been reducing sweets and snacks in favor of healthier things—but what I need to find is a 24-hour gym in my neighborhood.”

  Given that today is the “age of the sound bite,” those last two responses would likely be edited out of a news report, as though it’s been accepted and determined that the public only wants quick and easy solutions to its problems and issues. One by-product of this artificially sweetened brainwashing is the public’s general attitude of “What are you going to do?” resulting in an unspoken acceptance that the most important matters of the day are beyond anyone’s control. This may seem to be a subtle form of procrastination, yet one needs only to glance at recent voter turnout reports to see a downward curve, ending in all-time low numbers. Simply put, a great many people don’t show up to vote on Election Day because they don’t believe that their votes count. That downward curve may end on a statistician’s chart, but the trend itself reverberates through society.